Kuaback's BlahBlahBlah

December is around the corner  and  I’ve been feeling my age creeping up on me lately.  Yes, I get it, lots of good life ahead to appreciate.  But, there is this bitch in my ear whispering that  I am not as young as I used to be.  I'm 30 ish – and I hope I’m owning the ‘ 30s is the new 20s ’ hehehe.  Anxiety attacks from balancing work, family and life in the past 7 years  has positively fast-tracked my aging by a decade (at least)  – that much I’m sure ! Earlier this year during some pregnancy complications, my OBGYN said something that got a light bulb flickering in my brain somewhere,  “ with every pregnancy, your body changes because your body is not as young, tight, and elastic as it used to be!”   (yeah she said elastic…bitch whaaaaaaaaAAA?) Her words ring truth - my life is going through it's own changes,  my body is constantly changing,  my skin is...not so much elastic   and m...

Last night, I spilled 4oz of breast milk and I almost cried. Ok...maybe I did..just a lil bit. Blarday shaaaattttt! Lucky thing I capped the other 4oz bottle or I would've spilled both. Working moms, pumping breastmilk on the go for your bebe...you understand what I'm going through. This stuff is GOLD! Safe to say I went to bed a sad puppy lol Happy Thursday Peeps...one more day til FRIYAY!!!!

Well, hello there you!  You would have turned 26 today.  And man, that is so many years.  If you were here, we celebrate with dancing, and all the ice-pops we could find.  We'd dance and we'd eat until we get sick and dizzy from it all.  By now you'd probably have a pretty little lady and maybe some little people too.  They'd look like you.  The same radiant smile always plastered across every little face,  the same beautiful flint of mischief in every eye.  We'd dance and we'd sugar ourselves silly, and we'd laugh.  Oh how we would all laugh, if you were here.  But.... You arent here. You aren't You're there.  So the birthday wishes? They're all mine.  Did you not know that's how it works?  Silly you.  But I only need one wish My wish? I wish you were still here. I wish you didn't have to get on that motorcycle that day. Oh how I wish to see your face one more time. ...

3 weeks ago, I drank that nasty sugar drink that all pregnant women had to take to find out if they've got gestational diabetes. 3 hours later, I felt my ass was about to break into half from sitting the whole time. Next day - Doctor called "You are boarderline diabetic" meaning, she wanted me to change my diet etc to control my diabetes. the fuggggg? what diet? Anyhow, fast forward to 3 weeks later, my fasting or sugar levels when i first wake in the morning are still 10pts higher than the actual normal levels. I put off the insulin and told the doctor to give me a couple of weeks to fix  it the natural way like....an unwanted amount of walks around the block, up and down the stairs at work instead of using the darn elevator, consuming copious liters of water and veges...my sugar levels were still at a high....blardy shat! Doctor visit yesterday : " Don't worry, it's not you, its the hormones and the fasting or early morning one is usually the hardes...

I've just finished my last presentation for the year and I'm already excited for next year.  For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been blessed enough to speak to the high school youth in our area about Financial Literacy, career pathing, education and sharing what little I know about life in general. Many students with different personalities, interests, their hopes and dreams - all of them so unique, very fascinating and I enjoyed conversing with them and listening to their stories. Some of them knew exactly what they want out of life - they’ve already got plans in motion.  They shared high hopes and have set very high expectations for themselves – the high achievers and go getter lot. I loved that! These guys reminded me of me when I was their age ;) Sadly, a good number of them have no idea what they want to do or where  they see themselves in 5 or 10 years from now.  To them, they just want to graduate high school then maybe find a job or move in...

Since my last post, a lot has changed. Well maybe not that much but the way things have been in my own life lately, it is A LOT to take in, especially now, this exact moment and time in my life. When I had my last child, I said ' that was it, no more babies'.  Not because I didn't want anymore but because I had such a rough time with both my pregnancies. Rough as in, throwing up 5-6 times a day and a severe case of low iron. I was also always in the 1% of something with pregnant women - the worst was an unstoppable rash that made me literally sit in my neighbors pool everyday from 12-6pm everyday for the last 3 weeks of my first pregnancy. My first pregnancy, I was sick for a whooping total of 8 months. My second, I was sick for 7 months..then I pigged out until i gave birth. A while back we found out I was pregnant. Reaction - wasn't thrilled at all. First thought - File a lawsuit against my hospital and the damn IUD that's supposed to hold me over for ...

lately, its just been sad news after sad news.  I don't know how much longer I can handle this.  I keep trying to look for that light at the end of the tunnel - some days I see it, some days I don't and some days I force myself to see something.  Reset button....I need you