NOT every islander knows how to swim goddamit

So here’s the thing.
I, for the life of ME, CANNOT SWIM. (confession #1001)

Yup, I DON’T know how to swim. I said it.

Go ahead and laugh. I’m used to it.

I don’t know why I’m actually blogging about this because
1st - it’s embrassing,
2nd – it’s embrassing and
3rd it’s blardy hell embarrassing!!!!!


How does an island girl from kuaback NOT know how to swim?

During college days, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE who knew me and somehow found out I didn’t know how to swim, would firstly laugh themselves silly, then ask “But you’re from the islands, how can you NOT know how to swim?” then they laugh themselves silly AGAIN until they peed their pants. (ignorant shets)

I just want to point out that, NOT everyone from the islands knows how to swim.
Why do palagis always assume that just because you’re a coconut, you can swim, climb a coconut tree and act like a silly monkey ?? drives me nuts. We may be from the islands where there’s lots of beautiful beaches, but trust me, we hardly go to the beach unless on holidays - xmas, new years, lotu tamaiti (well at least for me that is)

I had 1 palagi roommate in College. She loved the beach and would usually invite me to go with her. Hhmmm…no thanks, we’re roomies, NOT friends. Anyways she kept nagging one day so I told her that I don’t know how to swim therefore don’t like going to the beach unless it was
1-to chill with my friends.
2-check out the boyses
3-show off my sexiness in my hot bikini (cough cough)
4-check out the boyses
5-get a tan
6-check out the boyses (oh wait, did i say that already?)

roomie: “NO WAY, you don’t know how to swim? But you’re from the islands?”jawdropped

me: “yeah I know, shocking” rolling my eyes

roomie: “You can’t NOT know how to swim”

me:“OHHHH but I don’t”

She continued to rave about it while putting on her bright yellow bikini, and I wanted to reach over and shove a pillow in her mouth. She was a nice girl, but sometimes, she just got on my nerves. Something about her high pitched laugh, her messy side of the room, her stinky laundry and her annoying friends she used to bring up to the room, the same friends who have no manners and go nosing into my stuff, personal stuff may I add. (lemafaufau o gei alelo) This is the same roomy who I punched and got reported to the honor code for. Anyhow, I digress.

What’s the BIG deal anyways? If I CAN'T swim then I blardy hell CAN'T swim.
Deal with it.
I deal with it all the time..why can't you??

and..If you find it funny, go laugh about it somewhere else. ahar

Actually, it used to bug me when inconsiderate people laugh about this, but NOW..hhmmppphhh..i don't give a rats arse. ha!!!!!

Anyway,
Last month, my son’s primary class had a pool party at the BYU pool. I told S that he needs to take the boy when he gets off from work.

“Why don’t you take him?” S asked.

me: “you know why”

S:“oohhhh, I forgot”
he had that cheeky smirk on his face that I wanted to slap rite off.

S:“You really need to take swimming lessons. What happens if I’m not around and the kids want to go swim? You’re just gonna wait til I get off?”

me:“yes”

S:“and what if I never get any days off?”

me:“then we’ll wait til you do”

S:“and if I die? What happens then?”


me:“then I’ll find another man who can swim”

S:"NOT funny"

me: "well then stop asking"

However, it got me thinking.
I feel sorry for my kids. My son loves the beach. When we do go, (which is once every blue moon) he doesn't want to get out. The beach is in our backyard, yet we hardly go. And my friends wonder why my son's first time at the beach was when we visited Samoa last year..ahar (it was his first time coz there's alot of babysitters to watch him in the water)

Of course I want to learn how. I’m just NOT one with patience. I have the patience of a 2year old, and I get bored easily.

But for the sake of my 8kids, I decided to join a swimming class at BYU and drag my sorry ass in the wee hours of the morning to the pool and blardy hell learn how to SWIM. Wooopty doooooooooo.

Hhmmm…and if you're still wondering “how come I don’t know how to swim?”

Well, maybe because when I was little, we lived inland (Alafua) - NO BEACH.

And on the weekends when we go to the kuabacks (5mins from 2 well known beaches-ahem), I follow my dad & the boys to the plantation where I help weed (for the lack of better words) around the kalos, kaamus, ufis, move the povis (cows) from one coconut tree to another and picked riped koko samoa from our huge ‘koga koko’. And on Sundays, I was forced to donned my white puletasi, and went to church like a good island keo, where I used to sit in the very back and sleep listen to the faifeau go blahblahblah. That’s how I spent my time in the kuabacks. Hardly ever at the beach.